Over the years there have been people I’ve been friends with or had started becoming acquainted with who showed through their actions or lack thereof that whatever connection we had was on the background of their lives. I am guilty of it too. And I’m by no means the only “victim.” It usually starts with one person suggesting some sort of meeting it could be anything from coffee to an actual date. Then the person who is not all that interested says something indefinite. They try to “be nice” and bring the other person to a soft landing so what comes out is always something along the lines of playing it by ear. I cannot count the number of times I’ve had to do something alone or with someone other than the first person I asked because of playing it by ear. I know I’m not alone in this. I’ve both had to deal with it and I’ve dished it out. I’ve thrown up my share of bullshit excuses for something to get out of something someone else wanted to do with me. Sometime back in the 90s there was a situation like this that had to do with getting together with someone for lunch. It was never the right time. There was always something work-related in the way and blah blah blah. And at some point during these schedule incompatibilities, I decided to drop it. The internal conversation went something like this: “You know what? I’m just not going to bring it up anymore. You make time for what’s important. If she can’t block out 30 minutes on a specific day then fuck it. I’m done asking.” I’m still talking to her. I just decided to blow off trying to go eat. What’s kinda annoying, and I’m sure is annoying when I do this, is that she at least hinted that it was interesting to her but she never bothered to schedule anything. Everything was depending on some mystical social roulette wheel with both of our balls landing on the same number.
As a rule I give that crap about a month. Then I don’t bring it up again. I won’t stop talking to the person, if we happen to both frequent the same locale. I’m not going to quit speaking or being friendly or whatever. But it usually never goes any farther than that.
I guess if we were all possessed of thicker skins and could be brutally honest with one another all the time a person would know where he or she stood and we’d probably get along better. But if that were the case the backstabbers in the world, who thrive on giving others a false sense of security while doing the opposite when they’re not present wouldn’t have much to live for.
