Transformations

My approach to things now and in the future

A few months ago I joined a movement that the media and a couple friends of mine refer to as the “Conspiracy Theorists.” Now amongst ourselves we refer to it as the “Patriot Movement” but that is the subject of a different blog post. As I started examining the “evidence” and arguments I started to get angry. I realized that I had bought into several lies for a number of years since 2001. But as I looked further I realized that I couldn’t stop at 9-11 because the lying did not begin with 9-11.

As far as my life is concerned, we’re talking about 40 years of lies, manipulations, propaganda and bad information. Much of this is pretty innocent on the surface. I do not believe that my parents and teachers were intentionally lying or trying to manipulate me or my thinking. However much of what they did disseminate went to serve deliberate programs created with just those purposes in mind. I’m saying they didn’t lie but ultimately they worked for liars and manipulators.

The same goes for church. I didn’t convert to Christianity until I was 19. Within every congregation I have ever been a part of there has been a mindset of following, believing because someone or book (Bible) says so. And as I look at the way many, myself included, have bought into lies and propaganda from politicians, it’s the same situation as the education system and the misinformation that people hand off to one another in ignorance.

So as I have gotten increasingly angry and disgusted with the status quo and things and people that make it their business to perpetuate the status quo I have lashed out, sometimes loudly and violently, in protest. For a lot of my life I have held my tongue when dealing with people and situations who deserved everything but that. I am learning to not do that as much. While that practice has allowed me to be seen by many as a “nice guy” it has not helped the situations I have been involved in because people have not understood that they were wrong and needed to check themselves.

So now and in the future I am on a quest to understand history and philosophy. I don’t intend to become an expert in either field. Frankly there is more out there than I think I could master in the next 45 years, assuming I can make it to 90. The overriding part to that is that I am questioning EVERYTHING. Wherever I have been taught something, especially any thing that has required a moral or other judgment I am questioning whatever was taught and however I responded. When I say EVERYTHING I mean every area of life including religion, psychology, history, humanity, sociology, economics and philosophy.

As I said before I have done and am doing some lashing out in anger. Part of the problem I have been having is that as I realize that I have bought into a lie I have become angry with the person who sold it to me, whether they did so intentionally or not. I have also started re-evaluating relationships with those people. Some relationships I have no problem allowing to continue. And I know that the only key to resolving this is to forgive those people and to forgive myself for buying into things, especially without questioning.

I am forgiving the family members and other adults who participated in this when I was a child. I am forgiving the school teachers who were mostly handing down what was handed down to them. I am forgiving the evangelical church leaders and members I was around in the past. They too were mostly handing down what was handed down to them. And lastly I am forgiving myself for buying the lies, manipulations, propaganda and bad information. In the beginning I was little and didn’t know any better. I am also a product of several left-brain indoctrination programs (public schools) and continued to buy into what was told to me.

I have been changing some of the relationships I have had with some of the folks I am talking about above and there have been and are going to be some hurt feelings in that process. On the whole I am not going to try to do anything about that right now. I am studying and following the information and it is leading me to different understandings about life and myself and I am not and don’t expect to be the same person I was before all this started. As far as I am concerned the sweetened-condensed-canned version of life is nothing but sour milk and is no longer digestible.

I shall continue to report here the different discoveries and new perspectives I attain. Some of it may come out in extremely strong language depending on what it is.

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Posted in: RogueSun

Tags: Life, Philosophy

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 27th, 2008 at 20:22 and is filed under RogueSun. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.